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The title is, of course, in reference to the fine work that Team Mega64 put together for their advertisements of miscued stereotyping mockery on the Games Developer Conference. God bless those guys, their incredible levels of creativity and YouTube.

Moving on to matters of business, or less so what with the conference tending to focus on the design aspect of gaming rather than the throat-ramming aggression of the marketing fat cats that are likely rubbing their paws while salivating over the giant kipper that is E3 this June; GDC 2010 instead conducted its foray with dignity. With respected gaming personalities actually knowing what they’re talking about, small hints at what’s to come over the next nine months and a handful of confirmations, GDC, which attracted a record number of industry attendees, proved to be a pleasant stopgap in between that certain big hitter later this year. Continue Reading »

The second television-videogame segment brings us back to the BBC, only this time its more cheerful, more pink sister in BBC Three. First aired around a similar time to the previously covered Games Britannia: Joystick Generation is former PC Zone columnist and general satirical funnyman journalist Charlie Brooker’s version of videogaming education, which takes on a far different and arguably more accessible approach, particularly if you’re a fan of swearing and ranting. Take Brooker’s opening line as an idea of the kind of humour you’re currently due to read about and decide whether you’d find him more approachable than the softly spoken but ‘oh so posh’ Benjamin Woolley, ‘Videogames: bleeping, blooping masturbatory aides for emotionally crippled social outcasts; probably male outcasts; probably physically repugnant; sexually inexperienced; probably frightened of the real world; probably standing here on this very spot saying these very words to a camera right now; probably me, basically. Videogames are for losers like me, apparently.’ And then he trudges off to an arcade machine in the shot’s background. Continue Reading »

In a baffled, admittedly delayed, two-parter, the next series of paragraphs to grace this very canvass of gaming looks at a duo of recent BBC television programmes specifically about games, what they focus their beady eyes on and an attempt at dissecting their painful inaccuracy. TV doesn’t know anything about games, does it? The producers of these feature shows are all fat, middle-aged, bald, ignorant and have opinions about gaming that can be found etched on a cave-dweller’s wall from 3000 BC, right? Well, you would be mistaken, because, for once, someone with a camera and a few quid to piece together an hour’s worth of videogame banquet actually got it (almost) right. Continue Reading »

Mothership Zeta

You’ve been idly sipping cocktails and sangria in the Balearic sun for six days now, only to realise that once the lingering, blazing ball of gas tucks under the horizon on the sixth night a sense of defeat overwhelms you. You’re going home. You’re leaving your idea of paradise to return to the doldrums of everyday life; of work, miserable weather and pining for your next escape to bliss before you’ve even left your final mark.

They’re the feelings Fallout 3 and all its downloadable companions have enlisted upon me, where an element of sadness couldn’t help but bear its presence from beginning to end of Mothership Zeta, the final chapter of one of this generation’s finest examples. The thought of leaving the post-nuclear-ravaged lands of Fallout must be how it feels to leave Walford. Continue Reading »

Road To Rip-Off

If there was ever a time a touch of research was needed prior to a purchase, it was this. Deleted scene, the item description promised. Unseen gameplay mechanics, Epic Games assured. More Gears, said everyone else. They all failed to mention, however, that not only does ‘Road To Ruin’ have little relevance to the storyline, it also has little in the means of actual play time and, in fact, all Epic wanted you to do was play more of its broken multiplayer and throw in a few ‘chieves to ensure it was worthwhile shelling out 1200 Microsoft Points on. I’m seething. Perhaps I’m an idiot though, and should’ve checked even Gearspedia before caving in to my good friend’s overtures and wasting valuable points on it. They could’ve been used for other pointless crap, for God’s sake! Or even the impending Earthworm Jim. ‘MEH’, said the interwebs! Continue Reading »

Show and Tell

What with CES 2010 having come and gone before you can blink, the first electronic show that includes videogames is simply a memory. However, unlike Christmas, these shows happen more than once a year; whereas Santa Claus has only a solitary night to impress and deliver, games companies have to match that feat at least ten times. Santa doesn’t know how good he’s got it. With varying degrees of importance comes varying degrees of hype, expenditure and the symbolical annihilations that are the booth babes; where the visual delights of E3’s of the past have attracted huge industry interest and, up until 2008 at least, the LA-based expedition was undoubtedly the greatest (games) show on earth. In a chronologically arranged fashion, here’s an ‘essential guide’ to what’s on in the subsequent 326 days. Continue Reading »

Victory is ours!

Continue Reading »