If there was ever a time a touch of research was needed prior to a purchase, it was this. Deleted scene, the item description promised. Unseen gameplay mechanics, Epic Games assured. More Gears, said everyone else. They all failed to mention, however, that not only does ‘Road To Ruin’ have little relevance to the storyline, it also has little in the means of actual play time and, in fact, all Epic wanted you to do was play more of its broken multiplayer and throw in a few ‘chieves to ensure it was worthwhile shelling out 1200 Microsoft Points on. I’m seething. Perhaps I’m an idiot though, and should’ve checked even Gearspedia before caving in to my good friend’s overtures and wasting valuable points on it. They could’ve been used for other pointless crap, for God’s sake! Or even the impending Earthworm Jim. ‘MEH’, said the interwebs!
A little content overview, then. Once you’ve successfully wasted your points on agreeing to buy it and further wasted time waiting for the bloody thing to download and then waited for the obligatory update after inserting the disc, you’re treated to an apology, sorry, introduction from Gears Of War maestro Cliffy B. It’s an odd piece of footage that says something without actually saying anything; Mr. B appears to be prepared to explain why the scene was deleted, ‘Sometimes sections in games are cut for certain reasons…’, but then trails off into talking jargon about how he’s found it hilarious that he’s just robbed you. ‘That’s not very nice’, I thought, ‘He’s CLiffy B, the man with the plan; he’ll deliver.’
He didn’t.
Still nonethewiser as to why the section was cut from the game, it wasn’t long before my friend and I found out. Once Cliffy ceases pseudo-laughing at you, the ‘content’ actually begins, placing you where Dominic Santiago gets a little confused over his wife Maria’s health (d’oh and bless). Instead of carrying on, a la the normal game, Delta squad big cheese John Travolta gives Dom a choice: ‘Look, sod the dozy mare, she’s a computer-generated character anyway and nothing more than a few pixels and animated sequences; let’s carry on with this appalling story that got increasingly uninteresting after the original Gears of War. Now, dya fancy doing the next bit as we have been for the entire game and a half and make sure this DLC is a complete waste of time, or try this stealth feature that the developers didn’t quite know why or how to shoehorn into the original release?’
‘Er, the first one?’, quiverring Dom replies as he wipes a few watery pixels from his eyes after a cringeworthy performance that won’t win him any Oscars any time soon.
‘For Christ’s sake, Dom, I just risked my arse to get us these ****ing Theron costumes and now you’ve pissed on my plans’, Travolta bites back followed by a mumbling, ‘Put me in sodding Lost Planet 2 for some irrelevant reason, please…’
...IIIITTT.
We chose the ‘guns blazing’ option the first time, as you can tell by Travolta’s displeasure. After strolling through some giant and awkwardly controlled doors we’re treated to around five areas to do more of the same – shoot earth monsters in the face. As much as it sounds like Gears of War is disliked here atop Mt. AllThatRumpus, it really isn’t. The original was a phenomenally different and compelling experience, while the sequel, although presenting more of the same, couldn’t match up to its older brother no matter how hard it tried. The Road To Ruin DLC, however, did it no favours whatsoever. It’s a standard Gears affair if you chose to ‘go loud’: duck, shoot, dive, shoot, take a few bullets to the face, shoot, take a few flames to the backside, revive your mate, get shot again, dive, take cover, shoot and wait for the relieving sound of the giant gong when it’s all over. In between that Travolta and Dom must operate levers to open a series of doors that have to be pulled simultaneously. As ever, Gears demonstrates some shoddy door design that leaves a friendless soldier (whether on the good or bad side), pretty much stuffed. Now there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the above, it’s just that there’s little here in the form of substance, and it leaves you feeling short-changed once you’ve waltzed through it in around twenty minutes.
To subsidise this, you can go back through and play in ‘Bond mode’ if you fancy unlocking another achievement. While the idea of stealth in Gears of War is something of a new feature to its core gameplay, as described above, it’s ultimately akin to a lost puppy in a big city with tounge firmly in cheek. Firstly, Marcus Fenix (I’ve had my Travolta fix now) and Dom look ridiculous; upon seeing the twosome dressed as Therons, you half expect them to walk into a Locust Horde Halloween party. Secondly, they make the already idiotic Locust Drones look even more stupid as you ease past nigh-on an entire army of them without being noticed. If you do veer in their proximity, however, you’re treated to an animation and sound not seen in the final game. If the Drones catch a whiff of Marcus or Dom’s human body odour (presumably significantly different to Locust B.O.) they’ll stop, sniff and possibly declare ‘fresh meat!’ before opening fire on the pair of you. While it’s good to see a little tidbit that Epic decided to abandon, it’s not enough to deter from the fact that there’s sod all else to see, other than the mysterious appearance (and swift disappearance) of Franklin Tsoko from the first installment of Gears. Why he popped up in a jail cell at that particular time is uncertain, but what is certain is that he doesn’t ‘fit’ with Gears 2 either.
It’s easy to draw conclusions as to why Epic Games’ post-production team cast this scene aside. While it works perfectly well, it’s simply irrelevant. If you want a smidgen more of Gears gameplay, a sneak peek into what might have been, and you’re a huge fan of the multiplayer, there’s plenty in this DLC to please; so grab it. If, however, you’re a little curious and only want to discover why the scene was deleted, don’t. It’s throwing 1200 Microsoft Points away, which could be much better spent on Perfect Dark next month, leaving you with 400 points change and tons more value for your money. As a result, there are two viewpoints here: it’s either generous of Epic to give us a chance to play something we were never supposed to, or it’s another example of sucking money from the unwitting such as myself. Let’s go with the latter.
[...] adds more justification to the existence of gaming. Lastly, Graham Linehan makes a great point that I’ve previously complained about: how shocking scriptwriting is still in games (not looking at you Gears of War or Resident Evil); [...]