Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it any good?

Blue hedgehog? Check. Classic chequered aesthetics? Check. Spindash? Check. Dodgy physics? Check?

First impressions of Sega’s true (well, true-ish, which will be argued later) sequel to Sonic & Knuckles, has finally landed in the sorely abandoned hands of the consumers. After failure upon relentless failure to discover the critical formula for Sonic decency in three dimensions, Sonic Team finally surrendered to their inabilities and returned to basics with the ominously-titled Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode 1. 2D Sonic is back, and his movement’s a little odd.

Metro 2034: Oh God, Not Again! [Working Title]

By some strange twist of fate/coincidence/THQ stalking me, Metro 2034 was announced yesterday evening, not long after my rant about its predecessor was introduced to the internets. The coincidence is quite shocking, even if a sequel was inevitable, with its unique selling point being that it will support the third dimension (the one with glasses, not the one we’re used to now, because that’s not really 3D I’m told), indicating it’ll either make it to PlayStation 3 this time, or that the Xbox 360 will support 3D in the very near future.

Trial, Error, Error Again and Apathy

Sigh. Metro 2033. What a disappointment it turned out to be. At the time of the trailer’s release there was, from certain quarters, such as these, a huge amount of hope and expectation. With the already-classic Fallout 3 finally running out of steam as its last downloadable content was offered, up pops a suspiciously yet excitingly similar quasi-follow-up, due to be released before the post-Fallout depression kicked-in. The trailer brought connotations of a similar concept, of the human race once again being driven underground following the aftermath of a catastrophic war. Granted, not entirely original for a game (in fairness, it is based on a novel) yet nevertheless an ideal stop-gap between one end of the world, Fallout 3, to the next, Fallout New Vegas. No sooner than the menacing words of ‘Metro 2033′ popped up once the trailer was done with giving us a jolly good whetting, the ‘anticipation-o-meter’ sprang into overdrive.

Are you sure you want to play this game?

Game: English? Norsk? Nederlands? Svenska? Dansk?

Gamer: English, please.

Game: Press Start

Resurgent CoD Inbound

No, this isn’t an environmental report suggesting the perilously low stocks of fish found in the Atlantic are on the up, rather it’s something to do with Activision’s latest money generator with the release of the next Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 map pack, once again containing three new arenas and two old ones with a slight lick of paint.

The ‘joys’ of technological advancement and its ability to make you feel hollow. And crap

A fair amount of clock-ticking has passed since I last updated this web space, so what better than making a return with a self-indulgent and slightly bitter overview (read: self-loathing) of the consequences of modern gaming?

Having recently developed an unexpected tirade of enthusiasm for Xbox Live head-to-head matches of FIFA 10, two things have consequently struck me: one is that my interest in football has increased despite my beloved Cardiff City emphatically missing out on promotion to the Premier League at the hands of the disciplined, balanced, organised, effective, gutsy and ‘lowly’ Blackpool.

400-Word Review Challenge: New Super Mario Bros. Wii

What with my chronic rambling disorder and the ability to spew out 3000 words or more on just about anything, I thought I’d enforce a gagging order upon, er, myself. These notions of utterance don’t count, but once the next paragraph has begun the clock will start ticking. To ease the pressure, the title of the review, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, will undertake trimmage and be referred to as NSMB.W from here on in. Here goes…

GDC: not for dudes, nerds or art lovers after all

The title is, of course, in reference to the fine work that Team Mega64 put together for their advertisements of miscued stereotyping mockery on the Games Developer Conference. God bless those guys, their incredible levels of creativity and YouTube.

Moving on to matters of business, or less so what with the conference tending to focus on the design aspect of gaming rather than the throat-ramming aggression of the marketing fat cats that are likely rubbing their paws while salivating over the giant kipper that is E3 this June; GDC 2010 instead conducted its foray with dignity. With respected gaming personalities actually knowing what they’re talking about, small hints at what’s to come over the next nine months and a handful of confirmations, GDC, which attracted a record number of industry attendees, proved to be a pleasant stopgap in between that certain big hitter later this year.

Telly & Games, Not Calling Names: La Parte Dos

The second television-videogame segment brings us back to the BBC, only this time its more cheerful, more pink sister in BBC Three. First aired around a similar time to the previously covered Games Britannia: Joystick Generation is former PC Zone columnist and general satirical funnyman journalist Charlie Brooker’s version of videogaming education, which takes on a far different and arguably more accessible approach, particularly if you’re a fan of swearing and ranting. Take Brooker’s opening line as an idea of the kind of humour you’re currently due to read about and decide whether you’d find him more approachable than the softly spoken but ‘oh so posh’ Benjamin Woolley, ‘Videogames: bleeping, blooping masturbatory aides for emotionally crippled social outcasts; probably male outcasts; probably physically repugnant; sexually inexperienced; probably frightened of the real world; probably standing here on this very spot saying these very words to a camera right now; probably me, basically. Videogames are for losers like me, apparently.’ And then he trudges off to an arcade machine in the shot’s background.

Telly & Games, Not Calling Names: Trennen Sie Einen

In a baffled, admittedly delayed, two-parter, the next series of paragraphs to grace this very canvass of gaming looks at a duo of recent BBC television programmes specifically about games, what they focus their beady eyes on and an attempt at dissecting their painful inaccuracy. TV doesn’t know anything about games, does it? The producers of these feature shows are all fat, middle-aged, bald, ignorant and have opinions about gaming that can be found etched on a cave-dweller’s wall from 3000 BC, right? Well, you would be mistaken, because, for once, someone with a camera and a few quid to piece together an hour’s worth of videogame banquet actually got it (almost) right.